⬤ eClips: Dark
⬤ The days are dark; the moon is dark. Early this morning, a total solar eclipse was visible from Antarctica when the Earth moved into the new moon’s shadow. Here in Seattle, as we get close to the solstice, most days are rainy, and the sun, or what we can see of it, sets just after 4 p.m. Yet, we’re expected to continue living and laboring as we do during warmer, brighter seasons. If that’s at odds with how you’re feeling right now, you’re not alone. And with my own inbox full of unread newsletters, untouched assignments, and gift guides galore, I know I’m craving time to turn down the noise and rest and reflect instead. So, in that spirit, I’m skipping my usual letter-and-links to get right to my conversation with Suzanne, who, through her work with Magic of the Dark Season, offers guidance on moving through winter, encouraging us to sit with, rather than resist, the difficulties it brings, and to connect to our intuition and magic. 🖤
Spotlight: Suzanne Lindgren Dammann
Suzanne Lindgren Dammann is a writer, witch, and mother who lives in Minnesota. For a couple of years, Suzanne and I worked for different magazines at the same company in Kansas, during which time I learned a lot from encountering her wisdom and ways of living—and we had more than a little fun carpooling and carousing with our fellow YIMBYs. In the years since, I’ve taken her Magic of the Dark Season course, a “journey through the solstice to greet the wild within.”
What’s going on where you are? What’s the weather like?
Oh, we’re having an unseasonably warm, late fall, but you can tell winter’s coming. But it’s been pretty mild. How about you?
It’s raining. So, as wintery as it gets here, it’s gotten. But every, like, five days, we’ll have just a little sun. So, my friends who have SAD are struggling already. But temperature-wise, you know, it’s fine.
Yeah, I get that. Even with the milder temperatures, we are basically in the darkest two months of the year. It’s dark, the days are shorter, the nights are very long, and I’ve definitely noticed it in how the texture of my mood and inner dialogue has changed, for sure.
Right. I know that for you, especially at one time in your life, you really dreaded this time of year and struggled with it, and now you’ve done work to gather inner and outer tools to — I don’t know if you’d say “embrace” it, but manage it.
I would, yeah! It’s both.
Can you tell me a little about your path from that first time you really struggled with it to where you are right now?
Yes. So, to go back even a little farther, I don’t remember really ever liking winter, so when I was 19, I moved to Vancouver, actually thinking it had a milder winter and it was going to be so great. And then it was just rainy for months. You could seriously go a week and not even see the sun, you know, directly. And I think it’s one thing to say that or kind of know it in your mind — like, “I’m moving to a place where it rains a lot” — but to actually be there and not have sunlight is just this whole other thing. It’s like this embodied experience, experiential knowledge. So that’s what I hit up against. I remember it being right after Halloween, seriously happening very quickly, just really heavy, dark. I wouldn’t say I was suicidal right away, but nothing felt meaningful. So, that winter was pretty much just like that — and bad. [laughs] I don’t know how much to even go into it, and everyone has their dark moments, so I think people probably already have knowledge to draw on. So, even though I kind of consciously was aware that it was an issue to do with light, that didn’t help. When you’re going through it, it’s not helpful to have a conscious awareness of what is happening.
So, I would say the nice thing about living in Vancouver was that spring comes a lot earlier than it does here. It was a few months of feeling bad, but then once spring kind of hit, I was back, able to get my bearings. But like you said, I had so much fear. I was just like, “Oh, my gosh, I can’t do that again.” At this time, I was still really secretive about it, but luckily, I had a couple people I could open up to about it and sort of make a plan.
So, the basic plan was to focus on self-care and call people and write to people, which I hadn’t done, because as soon as it started to set in, I was really self-isolating. It was like this cycle, where you don’t want to talk to people and then that just actually makes it worse.
One of the first things I did was I bought a copy of 8 Weeks to Optimum Health by Andrew Weil, which I still have and I still love, and in some ways, Magic of the Dark Season is very loosely based on that. The individual things are different — so, we’re eating different foods, a lot of the spiritual practices are different — but the structure is pretty similar, because it helped a lot, having that focus. Just being able to be like, “OK, I’m just going to really take care of myself and nourish myself.” It gave my mind something to focus on, but also, I think part of the problem was actually not eating well. On top of the very real issue with the light, I don’t think I was eating nourishing foods. And once that spiraled to cold, I had no other tools to kind of work it back up the other way.
And then the herbs came in later. And I’m glad they did, because I think they’re really helpful, but also I’m glad I had ample time to really kind of sit — some of the emotions, like fear and loneliness, took a long time of just sitting in them until I was finally like “Oh, it’s OK.” Like, “It’s OK to be lonely.” And then once you are truly OK with it, the fear is gone. And so, that’s when the fear had loosened its grip.
I’m glad you brought up some of these emotions that you sat with for a long time, because I think the spiritual elements that you brought into the course were very meaningful to me, and I’m hoping you can talk more about why those elements were important for you to integrate.
Yeah, I didn’t even really get into that! So, one of the first things I remember — this is probably the next year, it might’ve been two years, but it was around the winter solstice — it was at Christmas, and I remember being like, “Oh, the solstice just passed, and we’re having this family gathering that feels very warming, you know, heartwarming. And by the time it’s over, the light is already starting to return.” So I was like, “Oh, that can’t possibly be accidental in a grand scheme.” And so that was, I think, before I had ever really looked into anything pagan. But I think you can figure it out. If you are paying attention to your body, you can kind of just figure out this is placed here for a reason that’s beyond our culture, beyond religion or anything like that. It’s a deep and meaningful thing. And I’ve always been really happy about that, that we have the holidays to get us through. Granted, I like my family! And I think even if you like your family, it can be a challenging time. But for me, at least, it would be much, much worse if I didn’t have those social gatherings of some of the most intimate people to look forward to.
So that was one. And then, again, pretty naturally, I started paying attention also to summer solstice. And at first, I wasn’t really doing anything, I wasn’t making any kind of big deal about it. I was just like, “Oh, today’s the longest day of the year, I should probably get out and take a walk,” or just understanding and finding whatever little way to honor it. And I think doing that helps you kind of be in touch with the passage of time, the understanding that it’s constantly shifting — you’re at one pole, then you’re at the other — and then, of course, you start noticing the equinoxes. So you’re just always traveling around. And if nothing else, I think it helps you trust the rhythm of it. Were there other elements?
That was a beautiful answer. And the only other thing that comes to mind in the spiritual realm are the tarot archetypes.
Oh, yeah! So, that’s something I’m even newer to. I had done tarot for years, kind of just for fun, and then in 2020, decided to take a class with Lindsay Mack. For people who know tarot, she splits the major arcana into three sections. And I think that’s a pretty normal way of learning or interpreting, but in the first section, it’s kind of identity-driven. You’re kind of asking this question of, “I am.” And then in the second, which are the cards we work with in Magic of the Dark Season, it’s this underworld journey, where you’re like, “Who am I?” So, first, you establish who you are, and then you’re like, “Wait, who am I?” And the third group of cards is, “There is no I.” It’s a journey of shedding your ego.
So, the middle group are the seven we work with in Magic of the Dark Season. And as she was talking about them, with every card, I just recognized it so fully as something that had been part of my journey with winter depression and learning to manage it and embrace it. She interprets the Strength card as putting down your defenses and actually finding strength through befriending difficult or scary things. Hermit is being willing to embrace loneliness and even put aside your ideas of time and step slowly and understand that you’re not going to have all the answers right away. So, they just match so well, so I emailed her and asked if I could use those as weekly “luminaries,” I called them, lighting the path of the course.
That just makes so much sense to me in terms of how symbols and stories can feel so resonant for us when we’re having to sit with difficult emotions.
Totally, yes! I’ll agree with that and say I found so much comfort in the idea that these things are in the tarot, which means they’re kind of universal human experiences, which makes you feel so much less alone when you’re in the middle of a struggle.
Could you tell me about a specific ritual that you mark these days with?
Yeah, for sure. So, something I think is already a cultural ritual is Christmas lights, which I think is so much deeper than Christmas, is lighting the dark. And we wouldn’t do that if it didn’t get dark so early. So, it’s this beautiful thing where our response is actually what’s beautiful, what’s creating this beauty, is our response to the darkness. Even just lighting candles can be a form of ritual at this time of year.
I think bringing greenery in is already one that we’re doing. I have little specific ones to me that really help me get through. It’s not that I couldn’t do them in summer, actually, but they’re just more helpful to me in winter. Like opening and closing the drapes. When something little like that gets really difficult to do, I have to have another reason. I need to pretend I’m, like, waking up the house and putting the house to bed. So it’s not really a specific winter ritual, but I’m much more likely to tap into the power of that kind of magical thinking in winter, when I need it.
Other than that, I will usually try and do something on the solstice. I have done things that seem elaborate to me now, like have a fire, like going for a walk outside, but I think it really can be totally simple, like lighting a candle. I really love the yule log, which is from the Scandinavian tradition, and I found one at a thrift shop that I love. And I personally like to surround it with greenery. And something I like about the Yule log is you keep it out for awhile, so it taps into this feeling of, the solstice is a day, but it’s also a whole season, and we’re kind of already in it. And you put out the log, and you light the candles, and it’s the season of that, you know? So, I guess, in some ways, it’s maybe even becoming less about one day for me. There’s still the pinnacle, but it is this whole season.
Beautiful. And something that has not just changed me but has spread through me to other people is your thinking on the magic and ritual of everyday household chores. I had never really brought that magic into sweeping, or doing the dishes, and then you suggested that. Can you talk a little bit about the magic of everyday chores?
Yeah! This came up for me because I never loved sweeping, but I do live in my grandparents’ house, so my dad was raised here, and my grandfather was also raised in this house. So, after we moved in, and especially after Strummer was born, I think I just started to realize, like, I might not like sweeping, but think of the generations of women who swept this floor before me, and how beautiful their work was. Me doing it is also, in a way, tapping into their experience. I’m doing the same thing, the same motions, and I guess, in a larger sense, keeping the house for the family. It’s this idea of sacred housekeeping, not so much as a chore but a contribution to the family. And it helped a lot — it’s so rare to feel like there’s anything that could connect me to someone from three generations ago, you know? But it’s like, “Wow, I’m literally having pretty much the exact same experience.” So, that’s kind of how that started. And then you bring that to ancestral connection, and it just felt really embodied. I kind of hate that word, because it feels vague, but it felt experiential. It’s that idea of, “Wow, I’m getting to feel the same things they felt — live the same experience they lived.”
Right, completely.
I don’t want to act like you have to live in your grandparents’ house — you don’t. Anytime you’re doing a manual annoying chore, you’re probably having the same experience as your ancestor. So, that is kind of beautiful.
Yeah, and sensation is such a good word for it, because if I’m thinking of dishes as just a chore and not a sensation and interplay of water and earth the way you’ve described it in your course, of course I’m annoyed to be doing it. But if I’m focusing on the water over my hands or everything you just said, it’s so different. Part of what I’m trying to explore with these interviews is people’s connections to magic and plants and place, from an assumption that a lot of us are uprooted from place. And so I’m wondering if you could talk a little bit, beyond the sweeping that you mentioned, the meaningful nature of living in a place where your ancestors lived, or moving to that home specifically.
I feel lucky, in a lot of ways, to live in this home where my family has come from for generations. And at the same time, I think the vast majority of us living in the U.S. are uprooted. I still feel uprooted, and I still feel that ancestral tension. In some ways, I maybe feel it more because I’m here. There are people who knew my parents, and my parents went to the church here. And I know they think I should go to church, and I don’t. And it’s not that I think it’s a bad church; I think, as churches go, it’s a great one. But what I had to settle on was kind of like, “OK, I understand that my ancestors went to this church, and for generations. But I’m actually trying to connect farther back, to older ancestors, before there was Christianity.” And that’s kind of how I’ve settled it in my heart. Like, this tension was already there. We’re all uprooted, I still feel uprooted. Unless you’re Indigenous to this country, in which case, maybe you’re not uprooted, but obviously there’s been a fracture and a wound. So, that interests me, and that’s something I don’t really have answers for. I think about that a lot too. But being able to actually trace and know exactly who lived here — I mean, not exactly — but it’s not that hard for me to figure out who was displaced by my family coming here. It took some work, because that history was hidden, but I didn’t have to trace back, where did my family settle? I didn’t have to do that part of the work. So those are questions, you know, I don’t think they have answers. I think maybe that’s even part of why we’re here, is trying to heal and answer those kinds of questions.
You’re absolutely right, there’s not a quick fix, and I think we can do what we can to learn about these past ancestors, but some of these fractures are so much deeper. So I really appreciate you talking about that. And I guess that’s why I bring plants in as well, because they can speak to the land where either we have history or getting to know land where we don’t. So, are you drawn to a particular plant right now, or noticing a particular plant in your region that’s calling to you?
Oh, I love that! There are so many. It is hard to choose one, but I’m just going to say motherwort, because I feel pretty intimately connected with it. I definitely keep the tincture on hand; it does give me a lift when I have super-mild anxiety or am just feeling like I want to be a little braver and more myself in the world. But also, I’ll see it while walking in the woods, and I always feel like — this sounds so weird — but sometimes I feel like it called my attention! You know, sometimes I feel like it was reaching out to touch my clothes a little bit, and then I’ll be like, “Oh, motherwort!”
You sometimes send out emails on the dark moon phase, so I’m wondering if that’s a phase you’re drawn to, or whether it has a correlation with the dark season work that you do.
Yeah, there probably is! So, I am a person who’s come to the moon more recently. A lot of what I do, I would just call it sun devotion, or it’s sun-oriented. The whole thing with the moon, I was like, “Yeah, it changes!” Just kind of like, “Yep, it’s there!” [laughs] It’s not causing my moods to swing, so we’ll just let it be there. Then, I got this planner, and the planner was like, pick a day every month to check into your goals. So, I realized that the moon is kind of a fun way — literally the word “moon” and “month” are connected — and so that was the beginning for me, was that idea of setting intentions on the new moon. And I guess I don’t really know why I chose that over the full moon — yeah, I maybe prefer the idea of darkness, the idea of new. And, I guess, that the completion of a cycle is also the beginning of a cycle.