◯ eClips: Movie night
The just-full moon will shift by a shadowed sliver into waning today, and it’ll be joined by Jupiter over the next few nights. At a week past the equinox, our nights are now longer than our days. In Seattle, the equinox typically signals the start of rainy, gray days, cutting short the crisp-but-sunny days I still associate with fall. And sure enough, this past week, we were caught in an “atmospheric river” that drowned out any anticipation of a brighter autumn. But then the sun broke through the clouds again, and the intense weather gave way, as it always does — which is easy to forget when it first begins. So I’m savoring the sunlit trees’ fluctuating colors, slowing down, and preparing myself for all the changes this season will bring.
For today’s Spotlight interview, I spoke with my friend Mark, someone I’ve bonded with over movies since we met as freshmen in college. Inspired by our conversation, I reviewed my past year of movie-viewing to recommend some gems — old and new — suitable for an indoor-season movie night.
◯ Face/Off: “To foil a terrorist plot, an FBI agent assumes the identity of the criminal who murdered his son through facial transplant surgery, but the crook wakes up prematurely and vows revenge.” This is Mark’s favorite movie. It’s a wild ride. I watched it for the first time last year and gasped and laughed the whole way through.
◯ Rocky and Rocky II: “A small-time Philadelphia boxer gets a supremely rare chance to fight the world heavyweight champion in a bout in which he strives to go the distance for his self-respect.” I decided to cue these up the night before my most recent triathlon, because I was looking for a rough-and-tumble training montage and some rousing music. Somehow, it never occurred to me — and no one ever told me — that these movies were about more than just a boxing match. I loved the slice-of-life slowness — so rare in modern movies — the earnest love story, and the tender heart beating inside Rocky’s tough exterior.
◯ 2001: A Space Odyssey: “After uncovering a mysterious artifact buried beneath the Lunar surface, a spacecraft is sent to Jupiter to find its origins: a spacecraft manned by two men and the supercomputer HAL 9000.” This is another decades-old movie I thought I had pinned down but actually knew nothing about, and it blew me away. Its design and themes resonate as though it came out yesterday.
◯ The Straight Story: “An old man makes a long journey by lawnmower to mend his relationship with an ill brother.” I spent my summer watching every David Lynch film, and this was by far the most straightforward and palatable one, the one I shared with friends, a gentle, heartwarming tale that’s based on a true story.
◯ RRR: “A fictitious story about two legendary revolutionaries and their journey away from home before they started fighting for their country in the 1920s.” This movie is worth every shocking second of its three-hour runtime. Watch it in its original language if you can.
◯ About a Boy: “Will, who attends single parent meetings to woo women, meets Marcus, a troubled 12-year-old boy. As they become friends, Will learns to be responsible while he helps Marcus with his studies.” After a recent rewatch, I think this Hugh Grant flick holds up. It’s a good blend of sweet, silly, and serious, and a sincere reminder that “no man is an island.”
◯ Theater Camp: “The eccentric staff of a rundown theater camp in upstate New York must band together with the beloved founder's bro-y son to keep the camp afloat.” A newer movie that I watched with friends last night. This charming mockumentary kept us all laughing, and I liked it a lot more than most other big-name releases I’ve seen this year.
◯ Stop Making Sense: “Considered by critics as the greatest concert film of all time, the live performance was shot over the course of three nights at Hollywood's Pantages Theater in December of 1983 and features Talking Heads' most memorable songs.” My memories of this movie are layered, containing all the friends with whom I’ve watched it, all the homes and theaters where I’ve seen it, each viewing never failing to make me feel energetic and joyful. I’m going to see it tonight for the current run of the 40th-anniversary remaster, and I can’t wait to dance.
Spotlight: Mark Arehart
Mark is a former radio journalist and the current executive director for The Newark Partnership. He lives in Wilmington, Delaware, with his wife and 2-year-old daughter. I met him 16 years ago, in the dorms at KU. We were both on the sixth floor, and as soon as I learned he was from Nebraska, where I’d gone to high school, I used that point of connection to pursue a friendship, maybe a little relentlessly. I like to think I could tell he’d be my friend for the long haul, but maybe that was just luck.
I was like, “Hey, Nathan, what should I ask Mark?” And Nathan said, “What makes a Mark a Mark?”
Oh, man, what makes a Mark a Mark? Well, it’s ever-changing, right? This might not even be a real thing, but doesn’t every single cell in your body regenerate at least once every seven years? So every seven years, you’re kind of a new person. I don’t know if that’s true. But that’s kind of what makes a Mark a Mark. So, Mark seven years from now is gonna be different than a Mark seven years ago, or whatever timeline you want to put on it.
Me now, I’m very hyperfocused on my own brain chemistry. In the past few months, I have been diagnosed with adult ADHD, which is great. But I’m also learning a lot more about it and now understanding why things that I’ve done for my entire life that I thought were personality flaws are just things to do with my brain chemistry. A lot of things I find very funny and very interesting. And it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot. So I’d say what makes a Mark a Mark is probably altered brain chemistry, or neurodivergence, at this point.
Does that make past versions of Mark make more sense to you?
Yeah. You would probably understand where I’m going into my past, more so than some people who maybe met me in my adult life, but, you know, I used to feel bad about myself. Like, say, when we were studying for finals or a big test, we’d all go to the library, and I could study for like 15 minutes, and then I was just, you know, all I would do is get chatty, or start playing games or doing interesting things, and then I’d feel terrible, because people were like, “Get this guy out of here.” Like, not conducive. And I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just sit down and study like everybody else. But now I do understand that it’s about putting myself in a position of relative success, and just being able to forgive myself for feeling the way that I feel.
Yeah. Work with instead of against your nature.
Exactly.
Do you feel like a lot has changed for you? Or is it more just that forgiveness piece, like processing, “Oh, this is who I am.”
I’d say it’s more forgiveness and processing than anything else. I’m trying to do things that, you know, make it easier to be me and not go against the tide. So I set meetings earlier in the mornings, and I keep less space between big things that I need to do. So, for instance, I won’t do an 8 a.m. meeting and then not have a meeting until 2. Because with my brain, I’m gonna be so consumed with the fact that I have something coming up at 2 p.m. that I’m not going to be able to get anything done between the end of my 8 o’clock meeting and then the beginning of my 2 o’clock meeting. And then it’s also leaving relatively unconstructed time from my last meeting until the end of the day, because I have noticed that my ADHD medication starts to wane around 2 to 3, so it’s just trying to set myself up for success in that way.
What else is going on in your life and your summer? What does summer feel like where you live?
Summer’s been hot. Summer has also been really wet. We’ve had a lot of rain. So I’ve spent a lot of time working on my house, actually, to make sure that it’s not going to fall down, the basement’s not going to flood, things aren’t gonna get ruined. I mean, it’s a 100-year-old house, it would be fine, but it’s got some intricacies, some quirks. So, summer has been a rather hot one, a rather wet one, and rather full of starting and stopping of home-improvement projects. But I am taking two weeks of vacation, going to two different beaches here on the East Coast.
Do you do that every year?
Every year, these beach vacations happen with my wife’s family. Usually, I go to one and don’t go to the other. But this year, I’m gonna go to both, which is nice.
What is the Atlantic Ocean on those beaches like? How does it feel to be in it or to look at it?
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, is very crowded. It’s not artificial sand, but the beach is very much man-maintained. Year over year, the state actually pumps sand from way out into the bay and pumps it onto the beach to make it more “beach-like,” like fine sand. And what’s happened is that it’s a very popular place that’s become more and more popular year over year, but also the erosion of the sand out to sea has made the waves harsher and harsher. So it’s this strange self-propelled cycle. And I wonder, you know, in 100 years, if it keeps going this way, is this ultimately going to make this beach unusable? Is its popularity going to destroy it?
And then the second beach, which is called Avalon in New Jersey, that is more of your stereotypical mid-Atlantic East Coast beach. So, not super-fine sand, but pretty chill waves, very cold water. And this one is a private beach. So it’s not as crowded, but it also has a different sort of clientele, right? Not an average-man beach by any means.
Do you go out into the water?
I do go into the water. It’s very strange being out in the water. Very different from Nebraska and Kansas. Still a little unnerving. I’m not like a Ken doll, I don’t just like to “beach.” Two hours is kind of my maximum at the beach, and then I head back to whatever house we’re staying at and read a book or take a nap or just sit in quiet. That’s actually one of my favorite things.
Yeah, whenever I go out to the beach here, I just look out at the water and I can’t believe anyone in their right mind ever thought, “Yeah, let’s go across that.”
Yeah, for sure.
“Let’s build a raft and just go out into that.” Like, what?
Yeah, “No problem.”
Terrifying.
Yes, truly terrifying.
Do you have any other traditions related to your birthday? Anything you like to do when it comes up each year?
Yeah, but I haven’t done it. A secret between you and me and your readers is that I say that every year on my birthday I make my wife watch Face/Off with me, my favorite movie. But the last couple of years, we actually haven’t watched — it’s just the idea of it. This year, I would like to watch it on my birthday. So, we’ll see if it actually happens.
I mean, your life changed in the past few years pretty drastically, so it’s OK to take a little breather.
Yeah. When we were in the hospital, at one point in our many hospital journeys, Face/Off was playing on the television.
What is it about this movie that resonates with you?
It’s definitely a nostalgia thing, but also just love for the way it’s made and the characters that are in it, the way it’s shot, and how it can be the most ridiculous premise, but …
It is the zaniest.
It just makes sense. Once you commit, saying this is the baseline for this world, it’s just like, it all works, you know?
What led you to study film in college? What draws you to movies?
I think it was just an experiential thing. My dad and I would often go to the movies, and after my parents got divorced, it was every other weekend with my dad. And, you know, he wouldn’t really know what to do with a 10-to-16-year-old, right? So we’d just go to the movies one night, and then the next night, we would — for some reason, he was a Hollywood Video patron and not a Blockbuster patron. So we would get a bucket of fried chicken and then go and rent two movies from Hollywood Video. So it’d be a three-movie weekend, every other weekend. That was always great.
So I think it’s always been a link to my childhood and a link to happy memories, and time well-spent with my family, my mom, my dad, and my brother. I have movie memories with all of them.
Two weeks ago, I took a half-day and went to see the new Mission Impossible in the theaters. And afterward, I went to the restroom, per usual, you know. So I’m standing there at the urinals, and an older gentleman who was in my screening goes right next to me and says, “How did you like the movie?” And so we started talking at the urinals, which is usually just beyond abhorrent in the male social code. But for some reason it was welcome at this point — maybe it was so disarming that he was an older gentleman. It was very sincere. And so we started talking about the film, and I said, “In 1996, I still remember my father taking me to the original Mission Impossible, and it being one of the seminal film experiences in my life. Now I want to call him and talk about it.” He thought that was great. And then we washed our hands and I never saw him again. So I hope that guy’s doing OK. [laughs]
Me too.
Me too. So I think that’s why I wanted to study film. And I think it was a good experience. But at first, I was put off by the snobbery. But then, as I’ve grown older, I think I’ve become more comfortable in my skin and I can talk about why I like movies I like and not give a damn if somebody doesn’t like Face/Off.
I have a movie memory with you, a movie I think about going to with you, even though we’ve been to many. What movie comes to mind that we attended?
Sure. The first one that comes to mind is a small screening of a movie called Funny Games.
Oh, Jesus.
Probably not a great experience for you. But that does jump to mind. What movie jumps to your mind?
Dark Knight came to mind first. Because it was such a big group. And there was the whole story of passing down the Coke.
I smuggled, like, eight Cokes in. I just took them out of my backpack. I still tell that story often. I started passing them down. But by the time I got the eighth Coke out of my bag, I got an empty can back. I didn’t even hear it get cracked open? Like, how can a human consume soda like that? Amazing.
Yeah, funny games was rough on me. Really, really rough. I felt like I needed to puke. And since then, it has not become more comfortable to watch. Every moment of it is so seared into my memory that I don’t think I really need to see it again. But I’ve come to appreciate it more for what it’s doing and what it’s saying. And I have this terrible tendency to be really afraid of or repulsed by something and then want to look at it more. So, like, the night before I go on an airplane trip, I’ll read about every single airplane crash that’s ever happened. Or with Funny Games, I rewatched all the worst scenes again in German. So, I don’t really know what that tendency is. I hated Funny Games when we saw it. But then it had a big impact on me and still does.
Yeah, me as well.
You’ve lived in a lot of different places over the years. Nebraska, Kansas, Alaska, Washington, Ohio, Delaware. What did you take away from all that moving around? What did you learn about yourself from doing that?
When I was doing it, I really felt that it was exactly what I needed to be doing and that I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop keep moving around. For the rest of my life, I’d be a pinball in a pinball machine, rolling from place to place, never stopping to put down roots, which was foolish. And now I look back on it very appreciative of all the places I lived, and all the things I saw, and all the things I did. But I’m supremely happy not having to keep doing that over and over and over and over again — hunting for a new job, not having any restrictions on where that job is, and then going there. It’s pretty exhausting. Now, at 35, I am very happy that I’ve slowed down and we’ve picked a spot. Now, if I want to change jobs, I can change jobs, but we’re not gonna move out of this house for that reason. So that’s kind of freeing in its own specific way.
Was it mostly jobs pulling you around from place to place? Or was there some type of feeling you were seeking as you were doing this?
It was jobs and lovers. That was really the thing that was pulling me about. And, you know, just feeling like, “OK, I’ve done this six times. Why not do it a seventh?” You know, kind of getting restless after about two years. I’m glad I don’t have that feeling anymore.
What feels like home to you now?
Being with my family, being with my wife and my daughter and my dog. Wilmington, Delaware, really feels like home, which is pretty excellent. You know, at first, when we decided to move here, back to Delaware and to Wilmington, specifically, I had an odd thought: “I don’t want to die here.” I didn’t want to die in Wilmington. But now I think I’d be OK dying in Wilmington. Not sure what that’s about.
Yeah, it’s as good a place as any, really.
Yeah. I don’t know why. I wanted to die in a place that felt like home. I think that’s what I felt like. I didn’t think that Wilmington could be my home. And so I didn’t want to die here.
Do you think it’s the time spent there so far that has helped it feel like home, or the fact that you bought a home there?
Well, the fact that we bought a home, and also the fact that I’ve made adult friends here. That has definitely made it easier, made it feel more like home.
Yeah. Other people have a lot to do with it.
Very true.
Do you still think of any of the other places as home? I mean, I don’t know if anyone in your family really lives in Nebraska anymore.
My dad still lives in Omaha, but Omaha doesn’t really feel like my home, it hasn’t felt like my home for a while. Lawrence still feels like home, in a way, and probably always will. How about for you?
Lawrence feels like home for sure. In a way, it feels like home just because I did make a second family there, even if we all went different places.
Yeah, definitely.
Are there certain weather patterns or plants that make you feel at home?
Sometimes, I’ll see lightning bugs. They’re not as prevalent here as they are in the Midwest. So that always reminds me of home. Or if I hear crickets or cicadas, or just feel a big wave of heat.
How has your view of the world changed since you became a dad?
It’s a lot more instinctual at times. If I see something happening with my daughter, like danger, there’s no time for thought, it’s just action.
Since becoming a dad, I’ve needed to work on forgiving myself and forgiving other people for things. So that’s what I’ve been slowly working on. And I do need to do better, forgiving myself or forgiving other people. You know, I’ve realized that I’ve held on to some things that aren’t necessarily healthy, that I didn’t expect to feel upon becoming a father. But I’d say, on the whole, my worldview hasn’t really changed all that much. My priorities have changed for sure. Like, five years ago I had a bunch of money in an old can and I was like, “Yeah, one of these days when I have $3,000, I’m gonna buy myself a Rolex.” That money is not there anymore, and I’m wearing a Casio.
It’s more important to think about her well-being than it is my well-being, which is at times a bad way to think about it, because you can’t forget about yourself. But on the whole, if she comes out of this at 34, 35, and she feels better about herself than I did at 34, 35, then I’ve done an OK job, or at least done my best to make that happen.
What parts of yourself do you see in her?
I see my energy in her. She does not nap. She’s always moving and always going, always talking, always doing something. But then in social situations with other kids, especially if she doesn’t know them, she kind of just wants to play by herself or not necessarily engage with other people until until the ice is broken. I see part of myself in that.
Do you have any rituals or routines that you do, either with your family or by yourself?
In the mornings, my daughter asks me to make my coffee. I don’t know how it started, but I drink instant coffee, and the tin that I get my coffee out of, I can flick the top off and it zooms into the air and I catch it with my other hand. And so she’s enamored with that. She’ll ask me to make my coffee. So I get some hot water and then I pop the top off this jar, and then catch it with my other hand, and she laughs and then goes about her day after that. When I do bedtime with her, I read one or two books, and then I tell her that she can read as long as she wants in bed. That always goes over really well. She’ll stay up for an hour or two reading. I’m hoping that she will continue that love of reading.
Are you planting anything out back? Are there any particular plants you feel a connection with?
Most of the plants in the back I feel pure hatred for. We don’t really have a plan for the backyard and side yard, so I’m weeding, I’m weeding, I’m weeding, and then it just grows back. I’m tilling, I’m tilling, I’m tilling, and it just keeps growing back. So it’s like fighting against the storm. That’s kind of how I feel about it. But, you know, eventually, we’ll get a professional out here to give us some advice, and then that’ll be nice, because we’ll see what plants are actually good to be there, what plants we want to keep and what plants we don’t, and then be able to sculpt that natural little world around our house in a way that we both love. I’m looking forward to that.
My father-in-law annually plants those giant sunflowers, which are nice, and they’re taller than you are. So those are some of my favorites, for sure. And then there are these vines that grow on the side of my house. I kill them, because they’re, like, growing into the air conditioner, but I begrudgingly respect them. And I actually like to weed those, because I’m like, “Damn, how’d you get here so fast?” You know? I have a shovel that’s leaning against the fence, and there’s a vine that’s spooled all the way up the handle, you know, it’s coming out the top and it’s flowering. So until I need to use that tool, I’m leaving it there.
You get the sense that if you just pause for a second, they’ll just take over the whole entire house.
And that’s why this yard is that way, because this house was essentially unoccupied for like 10 years. So things have taken root. And it’s like, the house, the ground, is saying, “Yeah, you might have just moved in here, and you may be weeding us, but we’re coming back, because we’ve been here much longer than you have.”
Yeah, respect.
Yeah, for sure.
So, when we were in New York City, and each of us got a tarot reading, has that stuck with you? Is there anything you still carry forward from that?
I’ve kind of internalized things that we talked about, about turning over a new leaf in my life and being less focused and consumed on negative things in my own life, and being more focused on taking care of and setting life up for my daughter and my family. So I don’t necessarily think about the reading, but I think about things pointed out in our conversation a lot. It’s something I would love to do again, actually, because it was kind of freeing in some way. It was kind of cathartic.
It really felt, however you think about tarot, that we were tapped into the mystery, somehow.
Yeah, for sure. There was some underlying energy.
Are there other ways in your life that you stay in touch with that mystery?
I don’t actively engage with it. But I do often think of natural representations. Right now, I’m looking through the windows and I’m watching a neighbor’s tree blow back and forth. That always seems mystical and ethereal, otherworldly to me. Like there’s different unseen powers afoot. So I can slow down and just look at something. When I’m alone walking in woodlands or walking in relative wilderness, when I happen upon an animal, I often get that feeling, like a deer or a turtle or a fox. Or when I was in Alaska seeing a moose, something that is not driven by what drives you and me, but is driven by something else, something I’ll never actually know, and I’ll never actually understand. That’s pretty cool.
Does that ever happen for you when you look at stars or the moon? Or is it more earth-bound?
I think it’s definitely more earth-bound. Whenever I think about the moon or space, I always think about how thankful I am not to be there. I want to see the moon as much as I want to see the Mariana Trench, which is zero. [laughs] I’d rather be terrestrial.
Have you ever seen The Martian? I just watched it last night.
No, no, that’s actually on the list.
I think it plays into this, with somebody growing food on Mars. And it just really brought to mind how we rely on what seem like such simple things: food, water, oxygen. And, you know, this man is trying to replicate them in this hostile environment, and we just have those things in such abundance here, it’s so miraculous. We just need these simple things, but they’re not so simple. It’s wild that Earth provides them to us. We live in this place that’s so conducive to our life.
Yeah. It doesn’t make any sense at all, but here they are.